We set up a group that teaches dads how to do their daughters’ hair in the pub

Wholesome videos of men gathered in pubs delicately plaiting the hair of Girl’s World mannequin heads while sipping pints have seemingly done the impossible and beautifully united (most) of the internet. The Pints & Ponytails group has attracted millions of views, thousands of likes, and approval from stars including Joe Jonas and Sophia Bush, with even Sir Keir Starmer paying attention and arranging a meeting.

But roll it back ten years, and it all began at a fitness event with a chance encounter between Mathew Lewis-Carter and Lawrence Price. Recalling the moment with a smile, Carter says, “they singled each out for whatever reason”. But after glancing at Price, who is sitting close to him at his dining room table, he delves a bit deeper into why they connected so well.

“I’ve always been drawn to men with grit and toughness, but who also have a softness to them. He has been a fathering figure,” he says, before Price, 42, points out there’s only a five-year age gap between them. “He has been an older brother. We live in an age where everything is so demanding 24/7, and I’m really grateful to Lawrence for teaching me to step back.” A clearly touched Price gently taps Carter on the back in gratitude, before turning to me to say he is “never this nice to me”.

They’ve seen each other go on a “lads to dads” arc, as they describe it, and their bond has become so strong that Carter is godfather to Price’s son, and Price officiated Carter’s wedding. Their journeys into parenthood, as they are for many, have been complex. Carter was diagnosed with postnatal depression, and Price experienced chronic anxiety, after the birth of their daughters, now four and nine, respectively.

Recalling his experience, Price says: “I had my first anxiety attack at a professional engagement, and then I suffered in silence. I was busy on this duty treadmill, throwing myself into work. I remember being at home one day, after we’d just got a dog, and thinking it was nice that I wasn’t alone. At that moment, I realised that I had been quite lonely, but I was crap at finding dad groups, and I wouldn’t have gone unless there was a reason bigger than me, so I went on a journey of quiet introspection.”

Years later, Carter went through his own journey, and much like his friend, kept it to himself.

“I’d been taught that it would be rainbows and unicorns from the very first moment of being a dad, but I didn’t connect with my daughter straight away. I pressed it down, shut up, and lost myself in marathons and triathlons, everything I could do to escape. I was very consciously putting on a bigger, better and happier front, trying to communicate that it was the best time of my life.” The act meant that even Price had no inclination, despite going on holiday together, believing he was on “top form” due to overcompensating.

“One day, I was out on a long run, and my sugar levels were crashing – I have type one diabetes. I sat down on a bench, and thought I could just sit here and quietly go now,” Carter recalls. “That was the first moment of ‘I need to talk to somebody now’, and then my wife guided me to therapy. Most men don’t willingly go to therapy; they are usually pushed by somebody. It made me ask some uncomfortable questions and dig deep. Parenting is 10 times more rewarding than I could ever have imagined, but it’s also 10 times harder.”

Both men said the same thing about their experiences: “I thought there was something wrong with me.” After finally opening up to each other, they realised this internal narrative was likely present because there weren’t many men publicly having the conversations they were having. “There were so many platforms for mums, and we asked, ‘Why is there nothing for dads?’” Carter recalls. “Dads are instead often portrayed as a clumsy idiot or a doofus, look at characters like Homer Simpson or Pete Griffin.”

They put their heads together and came up with their own way to contribute to a different future – the Secret Life of Dads Podcast, which launched in early 2024. In each episode, they aim to get under the surface of what it means to be a dad in this modern era, offer actionable advice, show that dads aren’t secondary parents, instead have an important, valuable role, that doesn’t take away from mothers, but helps them, and to remind men that they aren’t strange for any feelings they may or may not have.

“We’re unravelling a lot of the conditioning and stereotypes that we were raised with, such as dads are providers, and not nurturing. Men go through a huge hormonal and biological shift, too. Right now, I’d say we’re in the messy middle of both mums and dads learning how to pursue careers and be present parents.”

The next chapter of their mission came after Carter was in charge of his daughter’s hair while his wife, influencer Chessie King, wasn’t there. After doing a terrible job, he shared the results with Price, and it inspired an idea. They joined up with hair specialists Braid Maidens to throw an event teaching dads how to master the daily task, and therefore reduce the emotional and cognitive load on mothers. They’ve gone on to multiple sold-out events and inspired similar events to pop up around the world, reaching Australia, Lithuania and the USA, to name a few. When Phoebe Waller-Bridge claimed “hair is everything” in Fleabag, they may have been onto something, because it is hair that has facilitated moments of real connection.

“Research shows that men communicate better side by side doing a task rather than looking each other in the eyes, and we’ve seen that,” says Carter. “One dad just stood up at the end of an event, and said that he had a mental breakdown a year ago, and we had another dad who burst into tears about leaving an abusive relationship. It’s great that dads can learn some skills, but what we’re most proud of is giving a space to throw the words out there because when they don’t, it comes out in uglier ways, and we know what the uglier ways are, so that’s why we’re so passionate.”

“We’re not qualified therapists, but we are legit dads who are open-hearted,” continues Price.

For Price, his ability to do the perfect high ponytail and the more complex fishtail has had an extra welcome outcome. “My daughter has autism, and she feels a lot of energy in her body, so regulation is an important part of getting her to feel balanced. When she comes back from school, where she’s been heavily masking all day to conform to the classroom, that’s when she’s more likely to have outbursts or feel anxious. Spending time brushing her hair and going through different styles really calms her down, and has enabled us to have a better connection.”

The timing of Pints & Ponytails coincided with the release of the Netflix documentary, Louis Theroux: Inside the Manosphere, in which he explored the ultra-masculine online subculture, which meant that comparisons were naturally made, with some labelling Price and Carter’s creation the ‘antidote’. “We never set out to be a response to the manosphere, but we’re very proud to hold that banner. It’s on our terms. This is primarily for the dads, it’s for us, and for our daughters,” Price says.

This meant that the most infamous figure in the manosphere, Andrew Tate, shared a video of Pints & Ponytails, and unsurprisingly, he didn’t like it, labelling it as evidence we have a “cucked race”. “One of the key parts of his so-called insult was that we were being submissive to the feminine in our lives,” says Price. “It shows the rigidity of that ideology that you have to remain within a certain version of masculinity, and you can’t have any range outside of that. The whole point of our version of masculinity is that it has scope to hold all energies within it, masculine and feminine, and that is something to be celebrated, so we take it as a huge compliment.”

Carter adds: “We see so much divisiveness online, men versus women, mothers versus dads, and it is destructive for society and for families. We really want to be about teamwork and understanding – learning about what mums go through is a huge part of fatherhood.”

And how about the question they set out to answer right at the beginning – what does it mean to be a modern dad? “A modern dad has so many facets, but I’ve learnt that regulating our nervous system, so that we’re not in this constant reactive, combative, dominant state, is key to being a good parent,” answers Price. “When we feel big, challenging emotions, if we can ground ourselves and come from a space of compassion, there’s a real wisdom to that. It’s knowing that we were not always going to get everything right, but taking ownership and having the emotional maturity to go into repair.”

“Mine is going to be less intelligent,” Carter says with a smile. “I recently went to see Paddington the Musical, and there’s a line in there that says it takes work to make love work. We’ve got a group of dads out there now who are really willing to do the work and chip away at these old stereotypes. We want this version of masculinity to be seen.”