The ‘stupid’ vibrator setting women hate — and say must have been designed by a man

Not all vibrators are born equal, but they’re still a woman’s best friend, with half of the female population aged between 18 and 60 having used one at least once in their lives.

While the default model features a long, steady buzz, which can gradually be amped up with each press of the button, some have hundreds of different settings.

And there’s one which apparently isn’t doing it for the gals: thrust mode.

With the shaft moving in an inward and outward motion, this option is specifically designed to emulate the feeling of the ‘real deal’ (i.e. penetrative, penis-in-vagina sex).

However, many say it actually ends up feeling machine-like and aggressive, and they skip to the next setting as quickly as possible.

‘Who put all those stupid rhythmic a** settings on these vibrators? Not a woman, I’ll tell you that much,’ @mrs.kmita wrote on Instagram, prompting a mass response from other women who felt exactly the same way.

‘It’s the mechanical version of “you like that?” and then immediately doing something different,’ commented @sydneyleroux.

‘If I wanted instability and inconsistency, I would use a man instead,’ joked @jojo_j0v, while @jules_her added: ‘We all use the same setting?!’ I thought I was unadventurous!’

Another, @savoy_oy said, ‘No, I don’t want to masturbate to the beat of Mary Had a Little Lamb,’ with @mrissk writing: ‘When you accidentally hit it, then have to cycle back through 184 settings.’

For @meganlizburke though, the problem runs deeper, as the thrusting action is engineered to ‘prepare yourself for being with a man’ — and others agreed, claiming it feels like deliberate addition geared towards men.

Are sex toys designed by men?

Not entirely, no. There are plenty of woman-owned sex toy brands, including Sh! Women’s Store.

At Lovehoney, the UK’s most popular online adult toy retailer, the chief product officer — responsible for both creation and testing — is a man: Dr Mark Tobias Zegenhagen. However, there are women at the helm too, including Sarah-Jane Morris, who is head of digital product.

LELO, another prominent sex toy brand self-identifying as the ‘temple of pleasure’, was also founded by three men, as was Hot Octopuss. Both companies sell vibrators aimed at all genders, but a number of their products are marketed to people with vulvas and vaginas.

This goes way back too, as the first-ever vibrator was also invented by a man.

In the 1880s, Joseph Mortimer Granville designed the ‘percuteur’, which was originally intended to treat muscle pain, but of course, ended up being used for a rather more debauched purpose.

As sexologist and psychosexual therapist Ness Cooper explains, sexuality and gender politics have long been tied to toy development, as well as the body’s ‘ergonomics’.

‘Very few sex toys were designed with the vaginal canal or vulva in mind, often meaning more functions would result in more of a chance of it being a pleasurable success, in theory, she tells Metro.

Having worked with sex tech companies for more than 20 years, Ness has helped move the industry away from packaging that focuses on images of women in lingerie holding sex toys, as many didn’t find this appealing.

That said, she contests the idea that most sex toys are designed with men in mind, saying many she speaks to regarding sex tech are in fact ‘overwhelmed’ by the amount of settings, or are terrified of getting it wrong.

Still, she notes: ‘Some companies still don’t test their product, even if it’s made by women. It’s made in their image rather than checking with the masses.

‘But we’ll never be able to make a device that’s universal. What works for one person’s needs isn’t going to work for another.’

So, what do women actually want?

The statistics tell us three to five settings is ideal, and Ness reckons many companies are taking this on board, saying: ‘Often, sex is very time-limited and no one wants to shuffle through a large list.

‘It’s easier to click off a setting when there are more, but when you’re mid-moment and at the really good stages of pleasure, it can be frustrating having to move through loads. It’s a bit of an orgasm killer.’

The history of sex toys

Because humans are a rather horny species, sex toys have been around pretty much as long as we have. The oldest one in existence is 28,000 years old and was found in a cave in Germany, of all places.

In a similar vein, in 2023, historians deciphered that a wooden object uncovered at a Roman fort on Hadrian’s Wall likely wasn’t a darning tool, but a 16cm phallus-shaped toy likely used for sexual pleasure.

‘We know that the ancient Romans and Greeks used sexual implements – this object from Vindolanda could be an example of one,’ Dr Rob Collins, a senior lecturer in archaeology at Newcastle University, told the BBC. Notably, both ends of the object were smoother, indicating regular use.

Elsewhere, there’s the unproven rumour (which could likely be a myth, but it’s fun nonetheless) that Cleopatra used to fill a glass jar with bees for pleasure.

Sex-enhancing aids are referenced in the Kama Sutra; Ben Wa Balls (Kegel balls) have historically been used in Japan, and there have been multiple archaeological findings that suggest the Romans were just as raunchy.

Looking to the future? Let’s leave this silly rhythmic setting behind. Clearly, no one’s using it, and whoever is isn’t getting off on it.

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