The science of having a sister

“You don’t have to like her, you just have to love her.” I lost count of the number of times I heard this clichéd adage from my weary parents after yet another fight with my little sister, Sarah. She is currently on the other side of the world where the New Statesman is not delivered, so I feel safe speaking out: being the elder sibling is impossible. You have all of the responsibility; they get all of the attention. I have always known this, but it’s nice to have it confirmed by first child, comedian and now radio host Stephen Mangan. “Look at everything from my point of view: that’s a good rule for life,” he tells his younger sister (and co-host) Anita, describing how it felt to suddenly be replaced by a new baby.

Anita, and my own sister, might see things differently. The duo’s bickering dynamic is hugely relatable, which is what is so joyful about Siblings Unpicked, a new three-part BBC series delving into the science of one of our closest, but surprisingly under-studied, relationships. Our siblings, if we have them, may be in our lives for longer than pretty much anyone else – parents, friends, spouses. We do not choose them, and for our formative years we cannot escape them. The patterns we forge with them stay with us long into adulthood – 17 years since I last lived with my sister, she remains uniquely adept at winding me up to the point of insanity in 15 seconds flat. I am told I retain the same talent for her.

Stephen and Anita spend a delightful 40 minutes quizzing Philippa Perry, the psychotherapist and author of The Book You Want Everyone You Love To Read. They explore whether birth order really does affect personalities (apparently, older children are slightly cleverer – sorry, sis), the role of nurture and parental expectations and how sibling jealousy can scar us for life or inspire us to be our best selves. Our siblings are a mirror, Perry tells us. The way they see us shapes our identity. So Sarah, if you are reading from Australia, I do love you and think you’re phenomenal. But you might want to listen to this radio show.  

[Further reading: In Our Time is more cautious without Melvyn Bragg]