Savannah Bananas opened the 2026 ESPYs with one of the worst performances you'll ever see

Unbeknownst to most of America, ESPN had its annual ESPYs award show Wednesday night. That's right. It's still, somehow, going on.

I figured it died years ago given you literally never hear about it anymore, but I was wrong. Remember when the ESPYs were appointment viewing a decade ago? Growing up, I can remember watching it every summer. It was fun and exciting and filled the sports-less mid-July void.

Way back in the day, Jim Valvano gave his iconic "Don't give up, don't ever give up" speech at the ESPYs. To this day, it's still one of the greatest speeches of all time. Look it up later if you have a minute. Trust me, you'll be better for it.

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Anyway, we've gone from that to what ESPN pumped out last night — a three-minute opening dance show performed by the Savannah Bananas that may just be the worst thing ever shown on ESPN airwaves.

And that's saying a lot given this is the same company that once ran a minute-long promo featuring transgender swimmer Lia Thomas during Women's History Month.

Take a look:

Just brutal. I'm not trying to dump on ESPN or the Bananas here. If the reaction to this performance was great, I'd pen an article saying the internet loved it.

The internet, however, did not love this. They HATED it. It's all over my timeline this morning. Frankly, it's how I even knew the ESPYs were still a thing!

Again, I hadn't heard one single word of this year's ESPYs show until this morning, and I work in a business where it's literally my job to be ahead of the trends. No marketing. No advertising. No hype.

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Nothing, until I scanned social media this morning and saw the Bananas doing ... whatever it was they were doing ... for three minutes.

Anyway, I assume someone said something woke at some point last night. Feel like that's in the ESPN and ESPYS script at this point, right? It'll come out eventually, I'm sure.

Until then, here's a clip of some comedian I've never heard of rag-dolling Tiger Woods, which was just a brutal delivery and reception: