My sister is taking £150 a month from our elderly mum’s account — is it fraud?

A lasting power of attorney allows someone trusted to manage bills, speak to banks and make decisions when a relative can’t manage alone. 

It also gives that person access to somebody else’s money — which in many cases, can be a recipe for family arguments and fractured trust.

This week’s Money Problem, from Sophie, shows just how complicated it can become when siblings share power of attorney for an elderly parent’s affairs.

Worried her sister is misusing the responsibility, the 53-year-old, from Buckinghamshire, asked Metro consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, for an outside perspective. 

The problem… 

My dad died last year and since then my mum, who is 86, has been struggling. Her health has deteriorated over the past nine months.  

Because she is not computer or phone savvy and is pretty much unable to talk to people on the phone because of her hearing issues, my sister and I decided it would be best to get power of attorney over her bank accounts and her health because she simply cannot cope. 

My dad’s probate finally went through and Mum now has about £55,000 in the shared account they had and about £40,000 in her personal one. 

I recently noticed my sister has been taking out the very precise sum of £150 from one of the accounts each month since the power of attorney went through at the start of the year. 

I sent her a text asking what this was for and she replied it was for cleaning Mum’s clothes, petrol to and from her house, bringing round food she occasionally makes and buying her favourite chocolate bars. 

I think this is hugely out of order. Shouldn’t these things be done without expecting payment? After all, she is my sister’s elderly, infirm mum. Some things should be based on love, without any payment. 

I do not want to suggest it is fraud but I may have to. What should my next step be? 

The answer… 

This is a tricky situation for sure. You have lost your father, you are trying to protect a vulnerable mother and you have discovered £150 leaving her account every month without an agreed explanation.  

That would make most people uneasy, but I would not call it fraud just yet.  

The fact that your sister is caring for your mother does not mean she must fund every mile of petrol, every meal or every practical expense herself.  

The Office of the Public Guardian recognises that family members often provide care unpaid, while in other cases a payment can be in the person’s best interests because it enables care to continue. 

The key issue is whether your sister has the authority to pay herself from your mother’s money and whether the payments are transparent, necessary and properly recorded. 

At £150 a month, this adds up to £1,800 a year. Your mother has around £95,000 in capital, which may sound like a comfortable cushion today, but it could become very important if her care needs increase.  

Every pound must therefore be spent for her benefit, not treated as an informal family allowance. 

Start by reading the actual lasting powers of attorney, not relying on what either of you remembers. You need to establish whether you were appointed to act jointly or jointly and severally.  

If you act jointly, you must make every decision together. If you act jointly and severally, your sister can make some decisions alone but she is still under the same duty to act in your mother’s best interests and to keep records. 

The Government’s guidance is clear: an attorney can claim genuine expenses which they have had to incur in carrying out the role, such as travel, postage or phone calls.  

They should keep receipts and invoice the person whose money they are managing. That means petrol for a specific trip made because your mother needs it may be a legitimate expense.  

A fixed £150 transfer that covers a mixture of travel, food, laundry and chocolate is much harder to justify without a written breakdown. 

There is an even more important distinction. If your sister is being paid for the care she personally gives your mother, she has a conflict of interest.  

The Office of the Public Guardian’s guidance says that where an attorney provides care and takes a payment, they should seek authorisation from the Court of Protection. It is not enough to decide the amount alone and transfer it from the donor’s account. 

Your mother does not need to have dementia for this to matter. Mental capacity is decision-specific. If she can understand, retain, weigh up and communicate a decision about a monthly payment to your sister, she should be involved.  

With her hearing difficulties, that may mean a calm face-to-face conversation, a written explanation in plain English and enough time to consider it. 

Her wishes matter.

Your next step should be a proper meeting rather than another text exchange. 

Ask your sister to pause any further self-payments while you both review the arrangement.  

Be clear that you are not asking her to stop buying necessities for your mother. You are asking for receipts, a log of the hours and tasks involved and an explanation of whether the £150 is intended as expense reimbursement or payment for care. 

Then agree a simple system.  

Your mother’s accounts should have a shared record of major spending. Genuine expenses should be claimed at cost, supported by receipts. 

If ongoing care from your sister is needed, seek advice before setting a rate, and consider a care needs assessment through your local authority. That will help you work out what support your mother actually needs and whether a formal care arrangement is appropriate. 

If your sister refuses to provide records, continues taking money without agreement or you believe she is benefiting herself at your mother’s expense, then you can report your concern to the Office of the Public Guardian.  

Anyone can report a concern and the OPG can investigate where the person lacks capacity. It can request information, take legal action and apply to the Court of Protection. 

The best outcome here is to put clear rules around your mum’s money now, while there is still enough trust left to protect both her finances and your family. 

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