Finding someone you truly connect with is no simple feat.
So when you do fall in love, you want to share that happiness with the people closest to you
But what do you do when you’re convinced your family won’t approve?
That’s the dilemma this week’s reader finds herself in, having fallen for a woman 10 years her senior.
Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a man who’s ex-girlfriend is making it increasingly hard to move on.
The problem…
I’m 21 and still living at home with my parents. We get on really well, but I think I’m about to blow it all apart, as I’m afraid they won’t approve of the relationship I’m in.
For the past nine months I’ve been having an affair with an older woman who lives a few streets away. She’s 33, a single mum and I’ve known her all my life as she used to babysit me when she was a teenager.
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When I got to about 15 myself, I started to realise how attractive she was. She’s a lovely person as well as being very pretty, and I must admit, I’ve looked at her in a different way ever since then.
For a while she was living with a guy, but they broke up last year and she started going out more with her female friends. I bumped into her in a nightclub and the chemistry between us was obvious.
Long story short, we ended up going back to her place and having the best sex ever. Since then, we get together whenever her children are at their dad’s.
It’s more than just sex for both of us, and I really want our relationship to be out in the open, instead of always having date nights miles away, and hiding away like we do now.
My mother is still friendly with her, which makes it even more awkward, as sometimes she comes to our house for coffee, and we have to act very casually towards one another.
I feel guilty that I’m doing all this behind my parents’ backs, but I just know how they’ll react to the idea of me ‘wasting my life’ with an older, single mum.
The advice
Are you sure your parents would be as upset as you imagine? Your mother clearly likes your girlfriend or she wouldn’t continue having coffee with her, long after her babysitting duties have come to an end.
At your respective ages, you’re both free to have affairs with whoever you want and if your relationship is based on more than just sex, it sounds as though being together is the right choice for both of you.
As long as you’re sure this isn’t just the culmination of a fantasy you’ve had since you were 15, then don’t worry about the age gap. Nowadays it’s no big deal for your girlfriend to be older than you, or to have children.
Be honest with your parents. You’re an adult now, so just sit them down and explain that you’ve found love with this girl and want to go public with your relationship.
It can be hard to find that special person, so don’t let fear of your parents’ reaction spoil this chance.
Learning that you’re romantically involved with her might feel a little weird for them at first but let the idea sink in a bit. I’m sure they want you to be happy, and if happiness is what this woman brings to you, then they’ll eventually come round.
If they don’t and it all goes pear-shaped, email me again.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
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