Man turns tragic loss of best friend to suicide into urgent outreach to lonely strangers

This story discusses suicide. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

A 30-year-old man has been asking people he doesn’t know to sit with him in pubs across the country ever since December of last year, as part of what he calls his "Empty Chairs" campaign.

Dean Perryman came up with the idea after his best friend, Rob Clancy, tragically died by suicide at age 29 just a month earlier.

Wanting to make sure nobody else ever felt alone — even perfect strangers — Perryman started heading out to restaurants and pubs wearing a bright orange hoodie to make his presence obvious to anyone choosing to chat with him. 

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Just a few weeks ago, he held his program's 1000th meet-up in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex, featuring about 12 attendees — and said he's proud of how far it has come.

"It has been such an incredible experience. I am loving every second of it still," the resident of Stratford in East London told news agency SWNS.

"When I started, it came from such a place of sadness — and to see how this simple idea has been able to help so many people has been really nice," he said. "I have been able to meet and connect with so many new people and learn about them. It gives people an opportunity to speak openly if they need it."

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Perryman works for team-building game company Chicken Rush. He used social media, he said, to create interest in the "Empty Chair" idea, he said.

The events started in London and Essex before the founder began recruiting volunteers to host them across the U.K. — and the rest of the world as well.

Events have since been planned in Manchester, Bedford, Cambridge, Skegness, Gloucester, Leeds, York, Wrexham, and more.

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It has also branched out to other countries, including Colombia, Spain, the United Arab Emirates and Australia.

He said lots of people actually return to the events, especially in smaller rural towns, as people create and build friendships that last long afterward.

Perryman, who has attended 61 himself, said his favorite part of the events is seeing men open up about their troubles, as he feels they need a safe space to do so.

"Some people come because they really want someone to listen to what they have to say," he said. "Others come because they have the capacity to be there for someone else. Everyone shares their own story, but it stays at the table."

He said the groups have "talked about the difficulty of living in a big city and feeling isolated, but nothing is off the table — we’ve spoken about everything and anything. To give people a place that they can go when they need to talk is incredible."

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Perryman said he has about 200 more events already lined up — and said he has no plans to stop scheduling them, SWNS reported.

He said there is no pattern in terms of who shows up. Usually, it's a diverse group of people. 

"Every Empty Chairs event you go to, you are going to meet people of different walks of life," he said. "It is so powerful to show that, no matter who you are, there is a place for you. We have everyone — men, women, young, old. There really isn’t a barrier to entry for this. Whoever needs the space is welcome to come."

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He also said, "A lot of people come because they’re feeling lonely in a new area, or they want to make new friends."

He said he hopes that his Empty Chairs campaign can be a lasting legacy for his best friend, Rob — someone he believes needed a similar space.

"He was the kindest, sweetest guy you could ever hope to meet," said Perryman. "Like a lot of men, he wasn’t the biggest sharer. He was very much the life and soul of anywhere you went, but he wasn’t someone who would be the first to open up about it if he was feeling some type of way."

"To now be in a position where Empty Chairs looks like it could be a legacy for Rob is amazing," Perryman added.