Leading psychotherapist explains why school can become a threat for young people - and what parents can do to help their children overcome this problem

Published: 22:27, 20 August 2026 | Updated: 22:27, 20 August 2026 School avoidance is one of the fastest-growing challenges facing families today, yet few parents know what to do when a child simply can’t bring themselves to walk through the school gates. Which is why leading psychotherapist Bronagh Starrs has written a new book, I Can’t Go In, to help parents understand what’s happening when their child refuses to set foot in the classroom. Drawing on a mix of evidence-based strategies and Bronagh’s own decades of clinical experience, she offers clear steps to help calm morning panic, rebuild trust and help children feel safe enough to get back to the classroom. In this exclusive extract, Bronagh explains why school can become a threat. Anxious children and teenagers live in a world shaped by three interacting spaces: threats, comfort zones and symptoms. Understanding these helps make sense of why ordinary situ-ations – school, social interactions or transitions – can feel overwhelming. Children with chronic anxiety often perceive the world as full of potential threats. These worries are persistent, wide-ranging and focused on the future. Everyday events – school tests, social interactions, minor health concerns or unexpected changes – can feel overwhelming. Even things that seem unlikely can trigger stress because their nervous system is overactive and on high alert. When this heightened threat response plays out in the context of school, it can make an ordinary school day feel like an endurance test rather than a routine part of childhood. School can be a particularly stressful place for anxious children and teenagers. The pace and demands of the day can quickly heighten their sense of unease, and that stress may sit quietly beneath the surface – or it may show up more clearly through meltdowns, panic attacks, overwhelm or feeling unable to attend. There are three main reasons why school can feel like such a threat. Separation from home and safety Being away from the comfort of home and the steady presence of a parent can be genuinely stressful for some young people. Separation anxiety isn’t really about not wanting to leave mum or dad – it’s about losing the sense of comfort and familiarity young people are used to. On the first day of primary school, some children walk in confidently, not looking back at parents at all. They are filled with courage and excitement. Others are a little unsure, and cling for a moment before slowly finding their feet. Both reactions are very natural – children are facing the unknown: ‘What will this be like? Will I be OK?’ Most settle as they see that the people are kind and the classroom is safe and full of interesting things to explore. Their self-soothing kicks in as they realise, ‘Actually, this isn’t scary at all’. For a chronically anxious child, however, this adjustment can feel very different. They often rely heavily on reassurance from parents and struggle with independence and time away from home. The classroom – with its noise, movement, bright colours and other children – can feel overwhelming and even threatening. They may freeze, cling or become tearful, unable to access the thoughts or the strategies that normally help children self-soothe. The usual curiosity and excitement of exploring a new environ-ment is blocked by anxiety. Even the idea of staying for a few hours without a parent nearby might be too much for them. For these children school does not feel in any way safe compared to the familiarity of home. Academic pressure and fear of getting it wrong Regardless of academic ability, between exams, grades, homework and tests, school can feel like a constant pressure cooker. Anxious children and teenagers tend to worry intensely about getting things wrong.  Even small classroom tasks that others take for granted – reading aloud, answering questions, going up to the board, giving presentations or group work – can trigger significant stress. Anxious children fear looking or sounding stupid, forgetting answers, writing things down wrong, making mistakes, being late or making incorrect decisions. This constant self-monitoring and fear of failure drains their energy and makes it harder for them to focus or enjoy learning.  Often these children are more than capable of completing the work, but approach it with intense internal pressure and unrealistic expectations of themselves Social worries and relationships at school Many anxious children and teenagers often worry just as much about the social side of school as the academic side. Their rela-tionship with teachers is often shaped by anxiety. They may fear a teacher is upset with them, even when they haven’t done anything wrong, or worry about disappointing their teachers if they don’t do as well as they expected in a homework or test. Leading psychotherapist Bronagh Starrs has advice for parents on how to tackle issue If the teacher is naturally warm, reassuring and engaging, the child is more likely to respond positively and enjoy being in class. A distant or no-nonsense approach, however, can heighten anxiety. A child’s experience at school is strongly influenced by the teacher’s style: they may feel unsupported, fearful or even avoid certain classes if they don’t perceive the teacher as a reassuring presence. Socially, anxious young people can worry that their peers do not want to be their friend, and fear not fitting in, being left out or being bullied. They compare themselves to others and constantly fret about what their peers think. These worries can intensify in the teenage years, when belonging and peer approval feel especially important. Some anxious young people have a great friend group. However, very often friendships and social interaction with their peers do not go very well. Isolation, loneliness and fall outs are common. Everyday interactions in the classroom or playground can feel exhausting and overwhelming. Other social pressures at school add to the stress: concerns about appearance, weight, popularity or social media scrutiny can feel relentless. Typical social activities, like sleepovers, parties or school trips, may also feel overwhelming, sparking fears about fitting in, being judged or being excluded. Worries about not being liked or standing out can feel unbearable. Bronagh Starrs's book on school anxiety comes highly recommended by Richie Sadlier When you combine time away from home with academic pressure, social worries and the unpredictability of the school day, it’s easy to understand why school can feel threatening for an anxious child or teenager. For some, the intensity of these worries makes attending feel impossible, leaving them fearful and stressed. I Can’t Go In - Understand school anxiety and help your child find a way back to class by Bronagh Starrs is published by Gill Books Sorry we are not currently accepting comments on this article.