Kids on holiday haven’t ruined the trip – you have

‘It won’t feel like a holiday’, a mum at the weekly toddler group we attended said this to me before my family vacation back in 2014.

She hit a nerve – I was slightly apprehensive about taking a toddler on a 3-hour flight to a foreign country. 

I was getting ready to go to Skiathos, Greece with my husband, Stu and daughter, Ella, who at the time was 15 months, when she made that comment, and I admit, it made me nervous.

Before long, I was worrying about how my toddler would sleep, what she would eat and if she would let us relax. 

Trying to get ahead of the potential chaos, I packed familiar snacks for her, but that was it. I put a lot of faith in my husband’s carefree attitude that ‘it would all be fine’. 

However, other than a 45-minute meltdown on the flight out there, it was indeed perfectly fine. We had a fantastic week and came home feeling like we’d had a holiday.  

I found myself wondering why other parents were so negative and told me I would just be ‘parenting in a different location’ and would ‘need a second holiday to get over this one’.

Because that has been far from my experience. 

If I had a pound every time I’ve heard a parent whinge over the years, that going on holiday with their kids ‘isn’t a holiday’, I’d be able to afford a luxury two-week break without kids, where I could lie in peace, uninterrupted and sipping cocktails. 

That does sound lovely, but the truth is, I wouldn’t choose that over a holiday with my kids, because I’ve holidayed every year since having children and I can safely say I have never returned from one and thought, ‘I need a holiday to get over that’.  

Not because our holidays are always miraculously stress-free – they aren’t. We have had lost suitcases, arguments, forgotten goggles, sun cream battles, and the occasional ‘I’m bored’ moment. 

But because it is always beautiful, fulfilling and much-needed family time.

The trick is that we never over-plan, and we don’t try to cram every possible experience into a week or two. 

Instead, we wake up, see what everyone fancies, and go with the flow. 

If your idea of a holiday is having six uninterrupted hours on a sun lounger, enjoying a book, a cocktail and nobody asking you for a snack, then obviously having children in tow is going to be somewhat inconvenient.

But as a parent, I simply lower my expectations, and that way, I have found that holidays with kids can actually be relaxing.

At home I cared about what my kids ate, but on holiday, Mama’s ‘OOO’ is always on, which means no negotiating vegetable intake or counting ice creams. Deciding not to keep an eye on that relieved a fair amount of stress.

Having later bedtimes and extra naps during the day also helped – the routine back home can survive a week or two of change, as much as the body can survive on ice cream and chips. 

In my job as a parenting specialist, I’ve worked with children for more than 30 years, and one thing I know is that children are generally much better at doing nothing than we give them credit for. 

I find it’s the adults who keep asking, ‘What’s the plan?’ 

Not the kids. 

They are quite happy with a bucket, spade and a pool – the best holidays for kids that I’ve experienced are spent eating a bag of crisps round the pool, making new friends or simply creating their own fun on a beach.

There is something wonderfully liberating about stepping away from normal life. No work, no school run, homework, or packed lunches. No ‘mental load’. 

That, to me, is a holiday.

But I think social media is somewhat to blame for the expectations people have on their holidays. Instagram is full of families having the most idyllic holidays imaginable, with their beautiful children, in peaceful pools, sunsets and cocktails – it’s unrealistic.

Because those are the same parents go back to the hotel room and announce that holidays with children are absolutely exhausting. 

The reality is your child needs the toilet approximately three minutes after you’ve left the service station, and then declares they’re starving before rejecting everything on the menu. 

But that doesn’t mean that the holiday has failed – because kids will be kids, whatever the location. 

You don’t stop being a parent when you arrive on holiday, but you can stop parenting as though you’re still at home. 

Loosen the routine, lower the bar, let the children stay up late, let them be bored and allow yourself to relax. 

I’ve had to remind myself that relaxation doesn’t have to mean nobody asks me for anything, or I get to finish a book or lie horizontally for an entire day. 

Sometimes relaxation is simply knowing that nobody needs to be anywhere tomorrow morning – that I don’t have to meal plan, or do the dishes. 

I admit, I come home tired, but I am tired and relaxed. 

I’ve spent two weeks refereeing sibling arguments, applying sun cream and handing out snacks and still had a brilliant holiday. 

Because one day, those children who are currently asking for snacks, goggles, ice creams and your undivided attention won’t want to come with you anymore. 

Then you’ll have your sun lounger, your book, and an uninterrupted cocktail. 

And you might find yourself wishing someone was asking you for a snack.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

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