I launched a dating app for black people – we’ve been failed by mainstream apps

Ghosting, endless talking stages and dating-app burnout have become familiar complaints among singles. But for many black people using dating apps, there is an additional hurdle: navigating racism and bias while trying to form genuine connections.

It is an experience that dating app BLK says is driving some users away from online dating altogether. A recent survey commissioned by the platform found that 57 per cent of black British singles had experienced racism or bias on mainstream dating apps, while many reported feeling exhausted by having to explain or defend aspects of their identity. Launched in the US by Match Group, the parent company behind Tinder, Hinge and OkCupid, BLK has amassed more than 13 million downloads and expanded to the UK earlier this year, positioning itself as a space designed specifically for black singles.

Amber Cooper, Head of Brand at BLK, says there was a need for their existence as the community was not specifically catered for on other apps.

“Black people, specifically black women, are often not favoured in the general population app, so they get fewer engagements, swipes, and matches. Putting yourself out there only to feel invisible or hyper-scrutinised because of your race is exhausting,” says Cooper, who is African American. “Mainstream algorithms and user biases weren’t built with black women’s joy in mind, and that puts us at a constant disadvantage. What needs to change is a baseline of cultural respect. Until those spaces fix that friction, we’re building a sanctuary at BLK where black women are seen, celebrated and chosen first.”

In a recent survey, BLK found 57 per cent of black British singles have experienced bias or racism on mainstream apps: “It’s unnecessary comments, calling out one’s complexion, someone’s hair texture, or microaggressions like, ‘You look better in the photo with straight hair’. Guess what? My hair is not naturally straight, so if you can’t love my natural hair, go.

“We also found that they were getting tired of answering the ‘Where are you from?’ question and having to explain themselves.

“Personally, I’ve had odd experiences like the opening message asking what our kids will look like. Telling me that our kids are going to have a butterscotch skin complexion is way overstepping the mark. It’s draining because it reduces you to an aesthetic or a fantasy before they even know your last name, who I am or if I want children. Opening a conversation by exoticising someone is just wild to me. It strips away the chance for a genuine connection and turns it into a fetish. We’re tired of having to navigate that.

“People deserve, after a long day at work and whatever life has thrown at them, a more peaceful experience. They should feel free to skip that chat and just be themselves. They get that in the real world, they don’t want to experience that on an app.”

They have found that these issues are part of the reason why 40 per cent of black women report opting out of dating entirely due to fatigue. “It’s totally valid to reach a point of exhaustion and feel run down from dating,” says Cooper. “I am single, so I do understand how tiring dating can be.”

This is why she’s so passionate about building on BLK’s success and bringing it to the UK. The official launch happened in January, and Cooper is learning fast that there are distinct differences.

“In America, we often say, ‘I’m black’, and that’s it, but black British often say ‘I’m British Nigerian’, or ‘I’m mixed’, for instance. The roots go way deeper, and it’s such a beautiful thing. I love that most people know where they’re coming from, and that can make connections stronger. You can share things like dishes, culture, traditions, and find commonalities based on the knowledge,” she says.

To celebrate the launch, the app threw a dinner party in the Mayfair pan-African restaurant, Stork, and while there was plenty of excitement, there was also concern. One of which was how anyone can join the app, and whether this will lead to a higher chance of being fetishised. “We have an amazing care team that does a good job at keeping it as safe as possible if odd behaviour gets reported. I want our users to trust our mission, that we’re listening and rooting for you,” says Cooper in response, but adds: “But our message is, if you aren’t black or a part of the community, you just appreciate it; you’re welcome here.”

Through her job, she’s also learning the difference between generations. “Gen Z feel very upfront and intentional, and they don’t want casual, whereas millennials are less so, we’ve found. It makes it more fun for me because BLK is working to get those marriages.”

Cooper says getting messages about engagements, weddings, and babies is the best part of the job, and to help more singles reach these milestones, if that’s what they desire, she has shared her top four tips for navigating dating apps:

Say it with your chest early: “Don’t be afraid to clear-code your profile. If you’re looking for a serious connection, put it right in your bio. Let the unserious people filter themselves out before they even try to slide in. Protect your time and your emotional bandwidth.”

Do the gigital house-cleaning: “Our report showed that keeping your options open in the DMs is seen as a major breach of trust now. If you’ve agreed to be exclusive with someone, do the digital house-cleaning and deactivate your profile. If you’re building something real, you need to be fully present.”

Take structured digital detoxes: “Dating fatigue is real. If swiping starts feeling like a second job, close the app for the weekend. Log off, put your phone down, and go fill your own cup in the real world. Your match will still be there when you’re refreshed and ready to receive it.”

Bypass the cultural translation: “Refuse to play teacher. You shouldn’t have to explain your hair texture or justify your lived experience right out of the gate. Lean into spaces where your culture is just understood as a given, not an anomaly.”