I gave up my career to raise our kids. Now we're getting divorced and my husband says I don't deserve half: VANESSA STOYKOV

Published: 13:21, 6 June 2026 | Updated: 13:21, 6 June 2026 I'm 57 and after more than 30 years of marriage, my husband and I are divorcing. When our children were born, we agreed that I would leave my career and stay home to raise them.  It wasn't a decision I made lightly, but at the time it felt like the best thing for our family. My husband had a demanding job that often required long hours, and we agreed that having one parent at home would make life easier for everyone.  Over the years, I managed the household, cared for the children, volunteered at their schools, looked after ageing parents and did everything I could to keep our family running smoothly.  When the children were older, I returned to work part-time, but I never came close to earning what my husband did.  Now that we're separating, I'm shocked by some of the things he's saying. He believes that because he was the one earning the income, he should keep most of our assets. He says he worked hard for the money and that I shouldn't expect half of what we've accumulated over the years.  I find that deeply hurtful. I always believed we were building a life together. While he was advancing his career, I was making sacrifices of my own. I gave up promotions, earning potential and retirement savings so that our family could function. What scares me most is my future.  At 57, I'm still working, but I have far less retirement savings than he does. I worry that I'll spend the next decade trying to catch up financially while he enjoys a much more comfortable retirement.  Vanessa Stoykov (pictured) helps a woman who is struggling to navigate the financial side of her divorce  Am I wrong to think that raising our children and supporting our family should count just as much as bringing home a pay cheque?  First, let me say this: raising children and supporting a family is work. It may not come with a salary, annual leave or retirement contributions, but it has enormous value. Many people who step out of the workforce to care for children do so believing they are making a contribution to the family's future.  In most long-term marriages, that contribution allows the other partner to focus more heavily on building their career and earning capacity.  What you're experiencing is unfortunately not uncommon. Across the world, women are more likely than men to take career breaks to raise children or care for family members. While those years can be incredibly rewarding, they often come at a significant financial cost, including lower lifetime earnings, reduced retirement savings and fewer opportunities for career progression.  The difficult reality is that these sacrifices often become most visible when a relationship ends. While divorce laws vary from country to country, many legal systems recognise that a marriage is about more than who earned the income.  Non-financial contributions such as raising children, managing a household and supporting a partner's career are often considered when assets are divided. The specifics will depend on where you live, which is why obtaining legal advice in your local jurisdiction is so important.  What concerns me most is that you seem to be accepting your husband's version of events as fact. Susan, please stop relying on his opinion of what you deserve and seek independent legal advice as soon as possible.  'After more than 30 years together, it sounds as though your contribution to the family is being dismissed,' writes Vanessa. (Stock image) Your husband may genuinely believe he is entitled to more because he earned the income, but that does not make it true. The only opinions that matter right now are those of qualified professionals who can explain your rights and help you understand your options.  After more than 30 years together, it sounds as though your contribution to the family is being dismissed. That can feel deeply hurtful. You and your husband made decisions as a couple. If one person stays home to care for children, it usually benefits the entire family.  At 57, you still have many years ahead of you, but this is the time to become as informed as possible. Gather information about your assets, retirement savings and income options.  Seek independent legal advice to understand your rights and consider speaking with a financial professional who can help you map out what the next chapter of your life could look like.  Most importantly, don't allow anyone to convince you that your contribution was somehow worth less because it wasn't paid. Families are built in many different ways. Some contributions show up on a payslip.  Others show up in school drop-offs, packed lunches, late-night homework sessions, caring for ageing parents and creating a stable home environment for decades. Subscribe to Vanessa's free newsletter here.  No comments have so far been submitted. Why not be the first to send us your thoughts, or debate this issue live on our message boards. By posting your comment you agree to our house rules. Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline? Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual. Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline? Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. We’ll ask you to confirm this for your first post to Facebook. 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