'I couldn't watch football...it was torture' - Wickham on 18 months without a club

Three months into his second season at Crystal Palace - following a £9m move from Sunderland in the summer of 2015 - the trajectory of Connor Wickham's career changed.

In a 5-4 Premier League defeat away at Swansea, the striker ruptured his anterior cruciate ligament - and between 26 November 2016 and Christmas Day 2018 made just one 90th-minute substitute appearance, owing to further setbacks.

He did not start a top-flight game for the Eagles again.

"I was flying at that point," he tells Sky Sports. "It was all starting to really, really come together. I was really coming to my peak.

"When I did that, it absolutely rocked me at the time and the rehab probably didn't help a lot. If I didn't do my ACL, I think I would have been on a completely different path."

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There was a loan spell at Sheffield Wednesday in 2019/20, but Wickham then missed the whole of 2020/21 before Palace released him. Short spells at Preston, MK Dons, Forest Green, Cardiff and Charlton followed.

That is where we pick up with the 33-year-old, who speaks to Sky Sports as he drives down the M1. For the second season running, he is taking part in PFA pre-season, but he is done for this week and heading home to southeast London.

"To be honest with you, I would have stayed at Charlton," he says.

"I said to everyone around me, as soon as Nathan Jones came in, they were 100 per cent going to get promoted next season. I could see that in a short space of time.

"But we had the conversation and it didn't work out, so I just had to move on and figure myself out."

A period of almost 18 months without a club followed.

"I had quite a lot of stuff going on in my personal life at that time. There was bits going on that limited me to where I could go and what I could do," he says.

"I managed to get into a club to train with. It was a mixture between first team and U23s, but it was still a really good standard. There were two top members of staff that I'd known throughout my career and they were really accommodating. I owe them a lot.

"I was training four or five times a week and fit all season [in 2024/25], so I was ready to go at whatever time. It was just a shame that all the opportunities I was getting were four or five hours away. At that time, I had to prioritise my family."

That extended time out of the game did eventually start to take its toll on Wickham, though.

"I got to the point where I couldn't stand watching football because I knew I could do what I was watching other people do. It was like a torture session, almost like a jealousy thing. I want to play, I'm ready to play, I'm fit to play, I can do it.

"There's a lot worse that people go through in life than not playing football. But when it's your bread and butter, when it's your life, it does become really, really difficult.

"But I guess you either succumb to it and choose to give up or you just bite down, keep going and stick with trying to see the bigger picture and knowing this isn't forever.

"My mindset at that point was, if I switch off and just completely stop and the phone rings, I'm going to regret it if I don't do it. It's probably one of the toughest things that you could go through as a player. But at the end of the day, when you get back on the pitch and you're kicking the ball around, you'll always be grateful that you kept going.

"If I had stopped, I don't know where I would be, but in my mind I was never going to stop. I was never ready to stop. I think that's just a bit of the grit and determination that you develop over the years of being in professional football and luckily being at the levels that I was playing at. It was ingrained in me to keep going.

"My missus has been great in trying to keep me on it. On the down days, she's there to give me the little pep talks and be a little bit of encouragement. My mum and dad are second-to-none. Without them, who knows?"

Last summer, Wickham trained with Bromley during pre-season, but when a permanent deal did not materialise, he attended the second edition of PFA pre-season, the fully-funded training camp held at Champneys Springs in Leicestershire, which is aimed at preparing free agents for their next move.

He went viral after scoring from the halfway line in a friendly against Man Utd's U21s and, last October, signed for Dubai City, who play in the second tier of UAE football.

"There were a few opportunities to stay in England at that point, but I was looking for an experience; I wanted to play abroad, I wanted to see what it was like," he adds.

"But as soon as I got there, I realised how much I've still got left to give. I would get frustrated at results or certain standards or certain levels. The lads were brilliant, don't get me wrong. The coaching staff were brilliant as well, but I think it's just the culture out there. They're very relaxed, very chilled. I probably wanted to win too much.

"I just realised that maybe I have to get back to England because that's just where the drive is. The culture is more physical, the demand to win, the standards, the drive you get from the team and the club and being in that environment, that's more where I am mentally.

"I'd give the lifestyle a 10 out of 10, but it's more of a holiday place than a football place for me."

The experience in the Middle East has narrowed Wickham's focus. He wants to return to English football. It is as simple as that.

"I'm happy to do whatever I need to do to get back into England. At the moment, I'm feeling physically great. Mentally, being back training, being around the lads, being in that environment is a really, really big boost. Physically, with the training and the football side of it, you can only go forward.

"I'd say just due to the time that I've had out of the game, I'm going to have to do more than everybody else to get into that position.

"But I don't want to get to the point where I end up blaming myself because I haven't been doing the right things or in the right position or how I worked hard. I don't want to question everything that I've done. PFA pre-season is something I'm dedicating my time to. I have to be plugged in 100 per cent to be ready.

"I still believe in my standard, my level and what I can contribute. I still want to compete. I want to still be the best I can be. I feel physically fine. I still feel like I'm 28 mentally. I still see the game the way that I did, I still can do the things that I used to do.

"Patience isn't my strength, but at the moment, I just have to try and stay patient and be consistent with myself. I believe that something will happen and I've just got to be ready for it."

If and when it does happen, Wickham says he only has one person to prove anything to.

"The drive is still there, the passion is still there and I don't think that's ever going to go away. Maybe it's just a personal battle with myself. Everyone in football has an opinion; this is more about doing it for myself. I'm chomping at the bit to get back in.

"I don't think I've got unfinished business, but I think my career is unfinished. I've still got loads to do."