After seven years of sobriety, Brad Pitt started drinking again.
The startling confession came as Pitt reflected on his darkest moments, the lasting scars of grief and the complicated reality of struggling despite having "won the lottery" in life.
"I was sober for seven years. And then I got back off the wagon," Pitt told Esquire for the September cover story.
The actor said he approached drinking differently after giving up his sobriety, describing his consumption as more limited than before. "In a more restrained manner," he clarified. "I got overconfident a couple times, went, ‘Yep, nope, not good for me. Not in big quantities.’"
Pitt’s candid admission came as he reflected on the harder chapters of his life and acknowledged that fame and success had not insulated him from struggle. The "F1" star has been dealing with "family stuff" since 2016, when he began the divorce process from his ex-wife, Angelina Jolie.
Pitt’s reflections took a darker turn as he recalled a period when the pain became nearly unbearable.
"I was never suicidal in any way. It just was not my makeup," he told the outlet. "In fact, if I have any afflictions, it’s probably being a congenital optimist. Which has helped many times, and it’s also gotten me – I’ve walked foolishly head-on into a Mack truck because of my optimism. Or, as my forever-funny friend David Fincher will say, 'Yeah, you see the glass as half full, but it’s half full of urine.' Anyway, I’ve never been suicidal except for one little period."
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"And in that one little period, I just thought – I just couldn’t – just didn’t see a way out," Pitt continued. "The pain was so oppressive that – I wasn’t going to act on this, but I could feel – I could feel the cold steel of the bullet in my head, and it felt like relief. And I thought, Oh, okay, now I understand – I understand suicide, in the sense that it’s just relief. It’s just looking for relief from the pain. But I also think we have incredible survival instincts. And for me, that immediately kicked in, but it was just... "
The Oscar winner tempered his candid admission by acknowledging the extraordinary hand he had been dealt in life.
"Yeah. Like, listen: This s--t ain’t easy," he said. "And you’re talking to a guy who won the lottery."
Pitt also reflected on the lasting impact of grief, describing the pain it left behind alongside an unexpected sense of beauty.
"Grief, if you survive it, leaves a gaping hole, but it also leaves profound beauty," he said. "It’s an aching beauty, but it’s beauty."
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Pitt first gained major attention with his memorable supporting turn in 1991’s "Thelma & Louise," before becoming a leading man in films including "A River Runs Through It," "Legends of the Fall" and "Se7en."
His signature films include "Fight Club," "Ocean’s Eleven," "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," "Moneyball" and "Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood."
Pitt has also built an influential career behind the camera through his production company, Plan B Entertainment. As a producer, he won the best picture Oscar for "12 Years a Slave," adding to a résumé that extends well beyond acting.
Now in his 60s, Pitt looked back on the previous decade with a sense of urgency.
"God, I want my fifties back," he said. "I would do more. Your fifties are just – man, anything that’s on your mind, go. Go attack it. Go attack it now."
