ALEX BERENSON: Gentle parenting can't replace the strength of a good dad

It’s time to speak up for fatherhood.

For decades, the media, cultural, and academic elite have mocked and derided fathers as part of a broader assault on traditional masculinity.

Feminist academics repeat the tired stereotype that men don’t do a fair share of housework or child-rearing, even as surveys show that millennial and Generation X dads are much more involved in raising their kids than their baby boomer fathers were. Television shows, ads, and children’s books endlessly portray fathers as irresponsible and stupid, while mothers are wise, all-knowing, and competent.

FATHERS PLAY CRUCIAL ROLE FOR DAUGHTERS’ MENTAL HEALTH, SONS’ SCHOOL BEHAVIOR, STUDY FINDS

And the heavily promoted "gentle parenting" trend encourages endless negotiating with children – and discourages fathers from even basic discipline, like sending misbehaving kids to their rooms. Masculine virtues like stoicism, self-discipline, and respect for authority are nowhere to be found in this vision of parenthood. In gentle parenting, the only good dad… is a mom.

With three kids of my own (7, 10, and 13), I find the negative noise around fatherhood more than a sideshow. Undercutting dads hurts not just them and their families, but all of society. As the United States faces a worsening baby bust, it discourages some men from having children.

Even if they do, our cultural denial that fathers matter keeps them from teaching boys (and girls) the virtues of a serious and stoic masculinity. And so boys seeking powerful role models may be drawn to influencers like Andrew Tate, who offer a toxic and misogynistic caricature of masculinity.

Boys must learn to become men. And fathers must teach them.

Yet our cultural elites seemingly don’t even trust fathers to talk about fatherhood. The New York Times has run several opinion pieces about fatherhood and masculinity lately. They have one thing in common. Fathers have not written them. (Try to imagine the liberal response if the Times had run multiple pieces by white people about being black in America.)

So, for this Father’s Day, I decided to write THE FATHERHOOD MANIFESTO. This is a slim book – really a booklet – that combines a ringing defense of fatherhood with 50 practical tips to help dads be the best fathers they can be.

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Tips like #17:

Don’t scare your kids about existential, future of humanity issues. And don’t let the media scare your kids about them either. Not about Covid or whatever the pandemic du jour is.

Not about climate change. And ideally not about school shootings, though those unfortunately are hard to avoid talking about, especially with schools regularly running shelter-in-place drills.

The correct response if your children ask about any existential threat is: sure, X might be a problem, but human beings are imaginative and inventive. We have figured out ways to solve serious crises in the past, and we will again.

I can’t emphasize enough: Whatever your private feelings might be about any particular problem, this attitude is the only proper response for any preteen child. Your kids will have plenty of time to worry about the future. Your job is to keep those fears from them for as long as possible. If you are openly anxious, you are sentencing them to a lifetime of anxiety.

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Not all of these tips will work for every father, or every family.

Nor do I pretend that they are necessarily revolutionary. Some of them are fairly obvious. That’s intentional. The revolution isn’t what I’m saying – it’s that I’m saying anything at all, that I am standing up to a culture that has devalued fathers so completely that we hardly even notice what it’s done anymore.

We need to speak up for fathers and parental authority not just on Father’s Day – but the other 364 days a year too. Or our sons – and daughters – will pay the price.

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